


nothing serious

by PumpkinDoodles



Series: Taserbones Tumblr Prompts & Tiny (Adorkable) Fics [21]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:48:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22219567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PumpkinDoodles/pseuds/PumpkinDoodles
Summary: Prompt from @winchesterxgirl: Taserbones, “I just gave you a blow job! It wasn't even a date.”
Relationships: Darcy Lewis/Brock Rumlow
Series: Taserbones Tumblr Prompts & Tiny (Adorkable) Fics [21]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1484168
Comments: 79
Kudos: 508





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [winchesterxgirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/winchesterxgirl/gifts).



> *I own nothing!

“I’m exhausted!” Darcy said, slurping a bit of margarita.

“You’re drunk!” Jane said back. She was drinking water.

“Not yet!” Darcy said. It had been a long, difficult week: they’d relocated from Norway to DC when Jane finally accepted a job at SHIELD. Darcy had unpacked a million boxes and responded to a bunch of emails, Jane was frazzled, and there had been one explosion in the new lab because some of R&D’s alien stuff had been mistakenly put next to Jane’s machinery. The kaboom had been impressive. Darcy looked around. The bar was brimming with SHIELD agents. They were strange people, she thought. So grim dark and serious in their boring suits. Surviving aliens tended to make her want to seize the day--or the Ian--not stare emptily into middle distance. Or save the puppies. Something fun. Did SHIELD know about fun? She wanted fun. Darcy glanced over her shoulder. One of the agents from work looked at her from across the room. Dark eyes in another serious face. Darcy had seen him in the halls once, talking to Captain America. He looked away, then looked back again. Darcy wondered if he was trying to intimidate her? She grinned and winked at him. The guy blinked. Abruptly, he straightened up and rubbed his jaw, looking away. _Chicken,_ she mouthed, when he looked back. His eyebrows went up. Darcy turned back to Jane. She was talking about equipment deliveries when their waitress brought over drinks. 

“From Commander Rumlow,” she said, pointing at the dark-haired guy with her thumb. Darcy could see him half-watching her.

“Oh, thanks,” Darcy said. 

“You’re taking it?” Jane said, surprised. She didn't usually accept drinks from strangers. It gave dumb men dumb ideas. Also, she and Ian had been together for the last six--or was it seven now?--years until they broke up a few months ago. Ian had been the one who’d broken off their engagement, but Darcy was determined to enjoy her newly single status. Party like it was the Roaring Twenties again, if she felt like it. 

“Yup,” Darcy said. “New Year’s Resolution, remember?” Also, the margaritas were good here.

“Your have fun resolution?” Jane said. 

“You know it,” Darcy said, nodding. She was waiting for this Rumlow guy to approach. He was taking his sweet time.

“Hey,” he said, finally appearing at her elbow. He was tilting his head in a weird way. But he was really astonishingly good-looking, too.

“Helloooo,” Darcy said, determined not to take this too seriously. She made a big show of raking her eyes down his muscular arms. They were good arms. He smirked, expression lightening. 

“Can I, uh?” he said.

“Oh, yes, please sit, I’d love that,” Darcy said. Her tone was so arch, Jane gave her a look. Darcy elbowed her slightly. 

“I’m going to talk to Natasha,” Jane said. 

“Okay,” Darcy said, knowing that Jane was going to do deep background on this guy while she was flirting at the bar. Jane was much more worried about safety these days. Darcy blamed herself: she’d gotten Jane into Investigation Discovery. The boyfriend always did it. 

***

“Is he okay?” Jane asked Natasha, as they sat, trying not to watch Rumlow and Darcy flirt too obviously.

“He was embedded in HYDRA for several years,” Nat said. “Then he was burned at Triskelion and Fury used him as a fake mercenary to steal back Chitauri tech for more than a year.” 

“Burned?” Jane said.

“Helen Cho healed him--” Nat explained.

“Ugh,” Jane said. 

“You have a grudge?” Nat said, eyes gleaming.

“She flirts with Thor right in front of me,” Jane said. “To _my face._ Like I’m invisible! Who does that?”

“Who flirts--” Nat began.

“I’ll tell you who flirts with your boyfriend to your face: someone who would sleep with him, given half the chance,” Jane said grimly. “If Thor hadn’t shut her down, I would have slapped her, I swear to God.”

“All right,” Nat said, making a mental note to head off any potential Cho-Foster fights. “But about Darcy and him,” Nat said.

“Is Rumlow safe for her to be around? Because she had a new year’s resolution to enjoy being single, but he looks like--” Jane said.

“A terrible womanizer?” Nat said.

“Oh, no, that’s fine. Darcy doesn’t want another relationship yet, I just worry he looks like he knows how to bury a body,” Jane explained. 

“I think she’ll be fine,” Nat said. “As long as she’s not looking for commitment.”

“She’ll be fine,” Jane said, nodding. “She’s not looking for anything serious.”

***

“Your boss is watching me like a hawk,” Rumlow said to Darcy. She grinned at him and swished her straw. He’d been alternating between trying to make her laugh and telling crazy SHIELD stories designed to make him sound badass, she thought.

“She’s worried you’ll murder me, probably,” Darcy said.

“She knows about me?” he said, frowning.

“Do you regularly murder people you meet in bars?” Darcy said, widening her eyes.

“No, no,” he said, shaking his head. “I was embedded in HYDRA and did some, uh, extralegal SHIELD stuff.”

“Oh. That’s different,” Darcy said. “A little.”

“Different from what?” Rumlow said, leaning in curiously.

“Being a suspect on _Dateline,”_ Darcy cracked. “She’s worried about that kind of thing. Serial killers and dudes who kill you for life insurance.”

“Oh.”

“But I don’t have life insurance and you’re not a serial killer, huh?” she asked.

“No,” he said, smirking.

“My car’s in the parking lot. We could sneak out there?” she said, deciding she liked that smirk. It was entertaining. He was hot. She’d be kicking herself later if she missed out on fooling around with him. Start the year out with something that was totally not what she’d been doing for most of the last decade. 

“Wha--yeah,” Rumlow said, smiling slowly. “Yeah.”

“C’mon, then,” Darcy said. They went out a side door. “You have condoms, right?” she said. She saw him look startled. “Because I have some in my purse--”

“You’re pretty direct, huh?” he said.

“Sorry, do I lack mystery?” Darcy said, laughing. He grinned at her.

He didn’t seem to mind that she lacked mystery when she was blowing him in the backseat. “Uhhhh, fuck,” he hissed out. “That feels so good.” He groaned as she moved. Darcy shifted, trying to get more comfortable as she sucked on him. She really had no floor space for this, she realized. She was sixty-five percent into the sex and thirty-five percent distracted by low back pain. A flaw in her plan, even if he was a good kisser and had worn a condom without complaint. She should probably figure out a better position for this. Maybe put a blanket in the car. There was a reason people stopped screwing in cars once they were out of high school, she thought, pulling back slightly. “Fuck,” Rumlow said, as she ran her tongue over his shaft.

“You okay?” Darcy said playfully.

“No,” he said. She laughed and leaned down again. “What’s your boss going to say about this?” he asked, sounding curious. She would have laughed, only she couldn’t. Darcy knew exactly what Jane would say.

“You had sex with him?” Jane said, when Darcy called. Darcy had exchanged slightly awkward goodbyes with Rumlow, then called Jane so they could leave. Jane was the designated driver. 

“Shhhh. Sort of? Are we going with the Clinton impeachment standard? I just gave him a blow job and then sent him on his way,” Darcy told her, holding the phone with her chin. She was cleaning her hands with a wet wipe.

“Where?” Jane said. “I mean, where are you?”

“In the backseat,” Darcy said. “I’m waiting for you in the car.”

“I’ll be right there,” Jane said. Darcy moved to the front passenger seat, then absent-mindedly fiddled with the radio and dusted off the dash until she spotted Jane crossing the parking lot. Jane looked, well, grumpy.

“I put my equipment in the back of that car!” Jane said, getting in the driver’s seat. 

“We have that seat cover and I made him wear a condom,” Darcy said. She frowned at her reflection in the visor mirror. 

“Okay,” Jane said, sounding mollified, as she started the car and buckled her seat belt. “And you were safe this close to Natasha,” she added, more to herself than Darcy.

“I still feel like I need toothpaste. Maybe I should put some in the car for emergencies?” Darcy wondered.

“The sample mini ones from the dentist,” Jane said, turning out of the parking lot. 

“Great idea,” Darcy said. She looked at Jane. “Do you worry about me that much?”

“Darcy, you’re my best friend and you just got out of a long relationship,” Jane said, sighing. “Also, he looked murdery.”

“Not murdery. Of me, anyway,” she said, thinking about Rumlow’s dazed but pleased expression. They’d exchanged contact information, but she didn’t expect him to call for anything beyond a casual hookup, if at all. She studied the frown lines between Jane’s eyes in as they drove under streetlights. “So, I’m behaving a little erratically,” Darcy admitted, “but I thought it might be fun to fool around with a hot guy. A really hot guy.” Jane’s expression softened. 

“Was it fun?” Jane asked, as they stopped at red light. She grinned at Darcy.

“Somewhat. I think it would be better in a car with more floorboard space, my foot fell asleep and I sort of stumbled when I got out of the car. He had to catch me,” Darcy said. 

“Yeah,” Jane said. “Or you could move the seat up.” Darcy was so astonished, she burst into laughter.

“Jane Meredith Foster, just how much have you gotten busy with a Prince of Asgard in a hatchback?” she asked, between giggles. 

“Once for every time his father called me a goat,” Jane said. Darcy laughed so hard, her stomach hurt.

“Oh God, I can’t breathe!” she said, holding her belly.

“How many times have you said that in this car tonight?” Jane drawled. 

“Stop, stop!” Darcy said, laughing until she actually cried.

***

They were working in the lab that week when Rumlow texted to ask if she wanted to do anything. Darcy had just come back from getting takeout. They were getting ready to unbox the new equipment. Jane was definitely pulling an all-nighter. Darcy had brought her comfy slippers in anticipation of shuffling around SHIELD’s vending machines in the dark.

**World’s Okayest Assistant:** Sorry, we’re working late tonight. Jane has shiny new toys.

 **Cmdr. B. Rumlow, STRIKE Alpha:** Nice display name. Another time?

 **World’s Okayest Assistant:** Sure. 

**Cmdr. B. Rumlow, STRIKE Alpha:** Good.

Darcy was a little sad to miss out on sex, but you couldn’t leave Jane alone with new stuff. Darcy had gone out for a haircut in London once and Jane had started a fire on her mom’s garden patio. She told Rumlow she’d see him later. She was watching the text bubble when Jane spoke. “Can I have the good boxcutters?” she asked.

“Are you calm enough to use them?” Darcy teased. Jane tended to shake, like an excitable toy dog, on New Equipment Day.

“Shut up,” Jane grumbled. She put a hand out. “I’m steady!” she insisted. “Look, no shaking!”

“We’ve only been here a week and already the new has worn off,” Darcy joked.

“Why are you in such a good mood?” Jane asked, expression going canny.

“Umm, I found the vending machine with good candy and Rumlow wants to hook up again,” Darcy said. “I’m going to have a Snickers tonight and get him into a real bed later. Candy and nookie for meeee.”

She got the first half in spades, because Jane had a major breakthrough in portal technology. They worked late for three weeks, Darcy schlepping coffee as Jane was first excited, then doubtful, then excited again. There was a nighttime demo for Fury. They portaled Darcy’s Fruit Loops to SHIELD’s office in Los Angeles. Fury wanted them to keep working. His one eye got a strange gleam when Jane explained that meant he might be able to move SHIELD agents from one side of the world to the other in less than a minute. “This could save countless lives,” Maria Hill said, more openly. 

“Yup,” Darcy said. “She’s a genius.” She grinned at Jane, explaining the general premise to an LA SHIELD agent via video call. Next to her Fruit Loops box, he looked pale, but excited.

“Is there anything you need?” Maria offered. “Another assistant?”

“Actually,” Darcy said--she’d been thinking-- “it would be good for me to have someone familiar with SHIELD’s current tactical priorities, places where you think emergencies could happen--so we can practice moving things to those geographic coordinates, you know?”

“Good thought,” Maria said, looking impressed.

“Once we’ve conquered Fruit Loops, we can work on moving, say, people and equipment,” Darcy said. “Maybe even big equipment.”

“A quinjet and a Captain America,” Maria said.

“But you wouldn’t want to scale up to somebody that size without trying to move something smaller first. Like a subcompact car,” Darcy joked. “Does Steve still have that VW Beetle that Sam Wilson rags him about barely fitting in?” she asked. Maria gave her a fractional grin.

“Stuck in Germany in an evidence warehouse,” she said.

“Awww, boo,” Darcy said. “Hopes dashed.”

“I’ll get you some assistance,” Maria said. She sent Cameron Klein, an adorably curly haired technical analyst. He arrived that night. 

“Hi,” Cam said, eyes moving between her and a marker-covered Jane, frantically rechecking her math. That seemed to alarm him, but he wasn’t rude about it, merely shy. The moment he introduced himself and smiled nervously at Darcy, her heart grew several sizes. _A baby!_ her brain supplied. Darcy loved hapless, shy babies. She was woefully short of people to mother now that it was just her, Jane, and a realm-traveling Thor.

“Hi,” Darcy said, brightly. “C’mon in, we’re pretty nonconformist here, Jane wears jeans,” she joked. “Would you like to order pizza?” she offered. 

“Really?” Cam said. He looked surprised.

“I don’t see why we can’t have pizza while you explain strategic mission priorities to me?” she said.

“Okay,” Cam said, looking more relaxed. They were eating pesto-swirled pizza and he was telling her about SHIELD’s system of color-coding emergency zones when Darcy realized someone was standing in the doorway. “Rumlow?” Cam said, looking suddenly nervous again.

“Hi,” Darcy said. “We’ve had a breakthrough!”

“A breakthrough?” Rumlow said. “I came to see you,” he added, looking at Darcy oddly.

“Jane did,” Cam stuttered. “I, uh, I’m just here to help with priority emergency planning--” He looked terrified, Darcy realized. Why did he look afraid?

“Can I have a word with you?” Rumlow said, looking at Darcy.

“Okay,” she said, confused and curious as to what the hell was going on. She followed Rumlow to the hallway. “What’s happening?” she asked Rumlow.

“Are you with him?” Rumlow said abruptly.

“What?” Darcy said.

“Klein. Are you seeing him now?” he asked. 

“Huh?” Darcy said. Then it dawned on her what Rumlow was saying. “I just met him tonight!” she said, starting to laugh. Rumlow’s expression did a funny thing. “What?” she said, puzzled by his moods.

“You slept with me,” he said, then looked embarrassed that he’d said it. He turned his head sideways, jaw working. He was all tense. “Then you keep dodging me and I find you with Klein?” he bit out.

“What?” she said, incredulous. “Are you seriously giving me shit right now?” She was stunned. “I just gave you a blow job! It wasn't even a date!” she said, then realized how loud she was being. She glanced back and saw Cam trying to pretend he hadn’t overheard through the lab’s glass wall. She looked back at Rumlow.

“I’ve been trying to ask you out for three weeks, you’re always busy,” he said quietly. He looked, well, sulky. It was hot and everything, but she had no time for this.

“Helllooo, my boss just did a genius thing, we had Fury and Hill in tonight for a demo,” Darcy said. “Cameron Klein is here to help me work on technology that could save you and your team’s lives one day, asshole. Not that I owe you anything,” she snapped. She put her hands on her hips. “Well?” she said, waiting for a response. Rumlow paused, rubbed his face, and breathed out slowly. 

“I’m sorry,” he said. His eyes flicked to her face. 

“I accept your apology,” she told him archly. “But I’m at work.”

She left him in the hallway. 

“Did I do something?” Cam asked nervously.

“Nope,” Darcy said. “Nobody in this room did anything wrong.” She got a piece of pizza and bit into it vindictively. She was chewing when Rumlow walked away, still tense-looking. “Why are you scared of him?”

“Oh God,” Cam said. “During the HYDRA Uprising, he pulled a gun on me. I didn’t know he was undercover. I thought I was going to die.”

“Well, that’s awful and traumatic,” Darcy said. 

“Yeah,” Cam said, huffing. “Let’s get back to work, though.” He looked at Darcy. “If that’s okay?”

“Of course!” Darcy said. 

“Good,” Cam said, looking relieved. “The sound of his voice still gives me the heebie-jeebies,” he admitted.

“That’s such a great phrase, heebie-jeebies,” Darcy said. “I like kerfuffle.”

“Kerfuffle,” Cam repeated, relaxing his shoulders.

“Or tomfoolery,” Darcy said, thinking of Rumlow. Who could’ve known he’d be so, well, ridiculous?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *I own nothing!

Several days after their run-in, Darcy was working in the lab by herself and listening to music. Cam had taken Jane to consult with one of the analysts. He had been deputized to help them after Jane decided Cam was useful and listened to her instructions when she told him not to touch things. That was crucial. Elvis was singing “There’s Always Me” when Darcy heard the lab’s automatic doors open behind her. “Don’t tease me! I really love this song--I know it’s cheesy,” she called back. She was adjusting one of the machines.

“I don’t think it’s cheesy,” a male voice that was not Cam and very definitely not Jane said back. Darcy turned. Brock Rumlow was standing there, holding flowers. They were beautiful flowers. Red roses and purplish orchids. Darcy stared at them, uncertain about his intentions. “I brought you these,” he said, looking at her intently.

“Hi,” she said. “They’re beautiful. I thought you were Jane.” There was a momentary silence. In the quiet, he did a funny face, turning his head and then looking back at her.

“I fucked up. But I like you. I’d like to have dinner, whenever you’re ready? If you want?” he said abruptly.

“Well,” she said out loud. “That’s, um, honest?” He could be straightforward, she realized. It wasn’t all bad. Darcy liked honesty. 

“Yeah,” he said, eyes on her face. “Can I?” he asked, gesturing to set the flowers down on her desk.

“Sure,” she said. “Thank you. They’re really beautiful,” she repeated, stepping closer to him. Her eyes were drawn to his arms in that snug t-shirt. And his shoulders. Even his neck was muscular.

“Seemed right for you,” he said, taking his own step forward. 

“Is that right?” Darcy said, unsure of what to do with her hands.

“Gorgeous, distracting, maybe a little dramatic?” he offered. That smirk played across his face again.

“I’m dramatic?” she said, grinning. “Me? This from the man who thought sharing a pizza with Cam in a lab meant we were on a date?” she said.

“I might be a little dramatic,” he admitted, scrunching his nose.

“Might?”

“You’re the one who seduced me.”

“I _seduced_ you?” Darcy said, barely suppressing a giggle.

“You got me all worked up,” Rumlow said, looking at her intensely. “I can’t stop thinking about you.”

“Really?” Darcy said. She took another step forward. They were very close now. “I seduced you and now you can’t stop thinking about me, huh?”

“Yeah,” he said, swallowing. She leaned in closer. 

“You’ve got something here,” she said, pulling a white thread off his dark t-shirt. She let her hand rest for a moment.

“You got anywhere more private we could talk?” Brock asked.

“Like the supply closet?” she offered. He nodded. She made sure to walk calmly. “You could help me with something?” she said.

“Yeah,” he said. “Show me.”

“Oh my God, Rumlow,” Darcy said. He’d lifted her effortlessly off the ground and sat her on a piece of equipment. She was teetering on the edge, so Darcy held onto his shoulders. They were incredibly muscular and strong. His whole body was stunning, she thought. He’d whipped off his shirt the moment the door closed and started kissing her.

“I’ve got condoms,” he said, prying her underwear down. He touched her thighs eagerly. Darcy felt stable enough to lean forward and kiss his neck, sucking at his skin. He groaned. “I want you so fucking much,” he said. He fumbled for the condoms as she kissed the side of his face. “I want to date,” he said, voice oddly urgent.

“Date?” Darcy said, holding his shoulders again and looking at him. That was surprising. “Like, go to the movies date?”

“Yeah,” he said, hands curling behind her knees. “That okay with you?” His expression was intense. He’d gone perfectly still.

“Uh-huh,” she said. “Okay.” He crashed into her then, all hesitation gone. His fingers squeezed her thighs. Darcy found herself grinning at how greedy and eager he was being. She looked into his eyes, trying not to laugh. It was rude to laugh at somebody when they were practically inside you and had their pants around their knees. Bad manners.

“Don’t you fucking laugh at me,” he growled out, but his mouth curved into a smile. He chased her mouth with his, seeking kisses. His stubble scratched her face. She widened her knees to give him access and he pushed into her gently.

“Oh, that feels so good,” she moaned, enjoying the tension between pleasure and slight pain. He was good at walking that line, she realized. “More,” she told him. That seemed to spur him as he moved in and out of her. It felt incredible. Darcy held onto him tightly. “Oh God, oh God,” Darcy whispered, threading her fingers through his hair. He was practically bouncing her body on the equipment now. She moaned in his ear. 

“Pull, baby,” he said. 

“You want me to pull your hair?”

“Yeah,” he said, smiling against her jaw. She felt his mouth turn up. Darcy looked at him--and yanked. 

“Are you okay?” Jane said, as she came back into the lab with Cam. Darcy was staring blankly at the bouquet of flowers on her desk. 

“Oh, hi,” Darcy said.

“We brought coffee,” Cam said.

“What is it?” Jane asked. “We just met Rumlow in the hallway. And why are you all...rumpled?” she said, looking at Darcy. A flustered Darcy told her what had happened. 

“He brought me flowers and then we had sex in the supply closet,” she said. Cam seemed to find her wild gesturing between the flowers and the closet door funny. “What do I do?” Darcy wondered.

“You wave your arms when you get agitated,” Cam said quizzically. Jane laughed.

“She does!” Jane said. “Did you clean up with the disinfectant wipes? The good ones?”

“Don’t joke, you two, this is a romantic crisis,” Darcy said. “He wants to date. Like the fifties.”

“Rumlow?” Cam said dubiously.

“Right?” Darcy said.

“You do not have time for a romantic crisis,” Jane cut in. “My project, Darce!”

“True,” Darcy said, sighing. Jane was right. Darcy didn’t have a ton of time to fixate on Rumlow, because she was still so busy with Jane’s experiments in portal work. Instead, she went to the bathroom and sent him a text saying she’d be in touch soon. Darcy went back to work. 

“I think we’re ready,” Jane announced, hours later.

“We’re ready?” Cam asked, looking at Darcy. They’d run a series of tests, moving larger and larger objects between various SHIELD field offices. Tonight, they were doing the most significant so far. Tony Stark loaned them several sensor-enabled robots as test dummies. The was their pre-human test phase; the robots functioned like crash test subjects, in case they got squashed in transit. Jane and Darcy would be able to tell if the tech would injure a human being. “Okay,” Cam said, helping Darcy run the complex experimental drills. “Robot A is going to Zone 1, Robot B is going to Zone 7, and Robot C is going to Zone 11, right?”

“Right,” Darcy said, double-checking her list. “Then we swap. A goes to Zone 3, B goes to Zone 10, and C goes to Zone 2,” Darcy said. From behind one of the machines, Jane grinned and did a thumbs up. “1...2...3!” Darcy said, flipping the first switch. She beamed at Jane. “Don’t get maimed, little bots!” she wished out loud.

“You’re not supposed to say it out loud,” Cam said. It was exciting. They waited the required minute, then swapped. It was all Darcy could do not to hold her breath as they brought the robots back to the lab.

It was a successful run. Really successful. All the robots had gone where they were supposed to go and returned in one piece. Their biofeedback was excellent. Darcy watched as each report returned with a series of green checklists. “Wooo-hooo!” she said, cheering. “Cam, we did it!”

“Science dance!” Jane said, grabbing Darcy for an impromptu shuffle. They danced around the lab. Cam laughed at them, then went wide-eyed and a little dazed. He stared at the returned robots.

“I can’t believe we moved robots all around the globe in less than ten minutes,” he said, reaching out to touch one. He tapped its helmet. “That’s amazing.”

“Life with Jane,” Darcy said.

“Stop,” Jane said.

“This calls for a celebratory cupcake,” Darcy said. She’d baked some in anticipation of the results. She thought if the test failed, they’d need the sugar. And if it suceeded, they’d deserve a little party. 

“I’m calling Fury,” Jane said. A few minutes later, Darcy was licking frosting off her fingers when Steve Rogers stuck his head in the lab.

“Your first human test subject’s here,” he said cheerfully.

“We’re moving _Cap?”_ Cam said, looking horrified. “We can’t break Captain America!” His voice was alarmed.

“I don’t think he’ll break,” Jane said.

“I’m pretty undentable,” Steve said. “Don’t you worry.” 

“Cupcake for the road?” Darcy offered, as Jane picked coordinates for Steve’s first test run.

“Oh, that’s swell, Darce,” Steve said. Steve really liked her cupcakes. He ate three while Cam double-checked everything and was seriously eyeing a fourth. But Darcy was distracted. She’d noticed Cam’s hands trembling.

“It’ll be okay. Look, the biofeedback is perfect. Perfect scores,” Darcy said, showing him the readings again. Jane looked up and nodded.

“Fury wouldn’t risk Steve,” Jane added. “He’s an Avenger.” 

“A VIP,” Darcy said. “Also, a national treasure on par with, like, Mount Rushmore or something.” 

“Do we need to do any checks? Of him, I mean?” Cam asked, looking at Steve. His expression was awestruck. That reminded Darcy of a joke. She peered around Steve. 

“Tony is right about your butt, Steverini. It’s cuter than a cupcake,” Darcy said. “Remember, Jane, he said it was America’s Ass?” Jane emerged from her equipment to look, too. Steve grinned.

“Ooooh. It’s so squeezable-looking,” Jane said. She looked at Cam. “Doesn’t it remind you of a peach?” She mimed squeezing.

“I--I--hadn’t noticed,” Cam said, blushing up to his ears. “I don’t look at you like that, Cap. Sir.” 

“I do!” Darcy said. Steve laughed so hard that he leaned back and clapped his chest.

“You girls stop making Cameron blush,” Steve mock-scolded.

“Where would all our fun go if we can’t hit on you and make Cam blush?” Jane said.

“The supply closet,” Cam muttered.

“Hey!” Darcy said.

“What happened in the supply closet?” Steve asked.

“Darcy and Rumlow,” Jane said. “He wants her to be his _girlfriend.”_

“Shut up,” Darcy said, blushing.

“Oh, yeah?” Steve said, grinning. “You’re the one who’s gotten under his skin?”

“I did?” she said, mouth dropping.

“Oh, yeah,” Steve said, nodding. “He’s been all grumpy for weeks.”

“He won’t be now,” Jane joked.

“You people be quiet,” Darcy said. “Steve, turn around.” Steve turned obligingly.

“You’re really measuring Cap’s ass?” Cam said.

“We need to verify butt dimensions as a check, what if he comes back with pancake butt?” Darcy said in mock-horror.

“My life’d be just ruined,” Steve said dryly. 

“I really got under his skin?” Darcy said quietly.

“Uh-huh,” Steve said. 

That night, they moved Steve from DC to Berlin to Tokyo and back again. He did not catch pancake butt. Darcy sent Cap and Cam home, put gold stars on their lab bulletin board, and then dragged Jane back to their shared apartment to actually sleep. Darcy slept for three days. On day four, she crawled out of bed and stumbled to the coffee pot. It was sometime in the afternoon. “Jane!” she yelled. “Are you alive?”

“No,” Jane yelled back from the other bedroom. 

“Okay, I made you coffee!” Darcy said, flopping on the couch with her mug. She spilled some on her nightshirt. “Shit.” It was hot coffee. She slurped. Put the mug down on the coffee table. Closed her eyes. She was exhausted. Darcy just wanted to sleep. Her phone rang. “Hello?” she said.

“Baby,” Brock said. “You okay? I heard you sent Cap all over the world?”

“I’m half-dead,” Darcy confided.

“You want company?” he offered. 

  
  



	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *I own nothing!

“Hey,” he said, when Darcy opened the door. He was holding a bag. “I brought you waffles. Nice pajamas,” Brock said, grinning slyly. 

“I’m very fashionable,” Darcy said, letting him in the apartment. She grinned back at him. They eyed each other for a long moment. Damn him, he was wearing a dark leather jacket and had aviators threaded into the neck of his t-shirt. It was a v-neck. He must know how well that showed off the muscles of his neck and chest.

“Food first or--?” he said, tilting his head. 

“Getting freaky?” she joked. She was slightly sleep deprived, hungry, and her hair was a mess, but it was impossible not to be drawn to him. 

“I think I should feed you first,” Brock said. “That feels like the responsible thing, sweetheart.”

“Mmm,” Darcy said thoughtfully.

“What?” he said, as she followed him into the kitchen. 

“You’re being assertive today,” she said. “Is that typical for you?”

“Yeah,” he said, boxing her in a little. “I can be assertive. If you want me to be?”

“Hmmm,” Darcy said. “I think I need some of those waffles first, then you can boss me around,” she said.

She got about halfway through her waffle before the eye contact was too much. She put the fork down. “Something wrong?” Brock asked. 

“Yes,” Darcy said. “You’re wearing too many clothes. C’mon, you’re undressing for me--”

“I thought I was bossing you around?” he said, but he stood up anyway, smirking.

“Do you really want to?” she asked, leading him to her bedroom.

“No,” he said, shaking his head. She plopped on the bed, readjusted her pillow, then smiled up at him.

“Okay, then, Commander. Take your clothes off,” she said.

“I think I should start with the shoes, huh?” he said.

“They do look dangerously clunky,” Darcy mused.

“And no woman wants to be nailed by a guy in socks,” Brock said. Darcy laughed. “What?” he said.

“I might, I like socks,” she said.

“Yeah?” he said. He looked at his socks, then her. “Should I leave these on? That do something for you?” he asked. She laughed until he was on top of her, kissing her playfully. When he paused, she frowned.

“If it bugs you, we can ditch the socks,” Darcy said. He shook his head.

“Oh, no, I’m a sock guy now. Gonna wear ‘em with all my women,” he said.

“All your women?” she said.

“So many women. What was your name again?” he said.

“Shut up,” Darcy said, smiling. “Debbie. My name is Debbie.”

“Lemme do something, Debbie?” Brock said, smiling as he touched her hips. His hair hung in his face and she brushed it back, leaning up to kiss him.

“Sure,” Darcy said, then giggled as he blew raspberries on her stomach and then kissed his way down to the apex of her thighs. “Oh God, that feels soooo good,” she said. She was enjoying the sensation of his mouth, she really was…..

Darcy woke up. She was alone in bed. She sat up. “Brock?” she called out. It was that weird hour between dark and light where she couldn’t tell if it was seven in the morning or at night. She put on her bathrobe and came into the living room. “Oh,” Darcy said. Brock was sitting in the living room with Jane and Cameron. They were huddled over some diagrams. “There you are,” she said.

“Hey, sweetheart,” Brock said.

“Hi,” Darcy said. She yawned. He laughed. 

“Still tired?” he said. He was smirking. She couldn’t figure out why he was looking at her like that. Jane and Cam were exchanging glances.

“What?” Darcy said. “What’s funny?”

“Nothing,” Jane said. Cam muffled a giggle.

“You don’t remember?” Brock said. He grinned. “You fell asleep.” Jane started laughing. Darcy felt herself blush.

“I fell asleep...during sex,” Darcy said, biting her lip. “Shit.” Brock threw back his head and laughed. “I was really tired, okay?” she said, pointing at Jane. “You overwork me!” Cam lost it then, rolling onto his side on the couch. He laughed so hard, he held his own stomach and cried.

“Uh-huh,” Brock said, wiping his eyes. “She does.”

“And you--you fed me coma food! Everyone knows that waffles plus fatigue equals carb coma,” Darcy insisted. “There were outside causes. I don’t just fall asleep whenever someone goes down on me.” At that, Jane shrieked.

“I sort of omitted that,” Brock said, “for your privacy, you know.” He held his arms out for her.

“Shit,” Darcy said. She moved over to sit in his lap. “This is just not my day.”

“I’m having a pretty good one,” Brock said. “Did you want Jane to portal us someplace romantic?”

“I probably should shower,” Darcy admitted. 

“Maybe brush your teeth,” Cam said, voice teasing. That made Jane laugh harder. Darcy glared at them, safely in Brock’s arms.

“You ate my waffle, didn’t you?” Darcy said to Jane. 

“I’ll get you another one,” Brock said. “Did you want to take that shower together?”

“Yes,” Darcy said. She stood up, repeated it more firmly, and then looked at Jane. “You’re sending us to Venice, because you never let me go when we were in Europe,” she said, towing Brock towards the bathroom. 

“Jane,” Brock scolded.

“She can’t swim!” Jane said. “It was a safety measure!”

-The End-


End file.
